TO THE MAN THAT SHOULD GO

One thing you'll never know about me is that I can do a good act. I build a Character that only you want me to be. I also am good at hiding, I hide tears, heartbroken, even I hide every feeling that attacks me on every scene that I had with you.
My heart has been a river with no flow, it used to be the most fragile thing yet now it's just as strong as the bones. it used to be as delicate that caused tears when it's sad and smile when it's happy, Now sad and happy seem to have no differences since it's forced to smile by the brain.

you, you are the one I've pathetically loved for years. You didn't know, you'll never know. I wake up every morning having you smiling in my head, sometimes I see me frowning, or crying, or shouting like I want to let go. it's funny how I forget those moment when I didn't have you to be thought of. it's hilarious how I spend this entire years standing by your side, without you having any thought that I like you that freaking much.

I tried so hard neither to hate or love you, but one thing that I end up hated the most is loving you too much. there's no way that I am able to forget those deep gaze you've always given me. sometimes you care too much and the other times too little. I feel like give up, but those memories of how good you are not only as a best friend but also as a man won't let me cave in.

tell me what to do, they tell me to go, to walk away, to keep fighting for this little one sided love, and everything seems gloomy. Letting you go means getting rid of my best friend and that makes me so terrible. so, no. I wish you were my enemy, I wish you just hated me or you'd be the one who walked away. That'll be easier for me to run, to block you out.

Im not fine, My heart is aching. it becomes toxic that everything about you is blurry. I want to go and move on. Can't you just make it easier for me somehow?
don't be too good.

sincerely,
your best friend that falls too deep.

POEM ABOUT LOVE (PUISI BAHASA INGGRIS)

DEEPLY IN LOVE 

By: Ertia Nursanti Eryatna 

Long ago you were the sunshine,

Whose light shone so brightly in the deepest heart of mine

Whose guidance took away the nerves

Whose shadow was worth to be looked back on

I was a woman with a heart made of steel

With you I could pass the storms and hurricanes

I was tough, I was brave to let the world know my parts

With you I have my pride lustrous and seen

Now you’re gone in a force,

I find my bosom buried as a loser

Now the sparkles turn into a dusty grime,

I find my flame stood with a gloomy effulgence

All I need is you coming back,

As the keenest arrow of my soul

All I need is you hugging me tight
As a forever grace of a true lover